Here's a gripe for ya. On Friday morning, Sep. 8th, some a-hole, probably on their cell phone, wasn't paying attention and hit and killed my poor cat, Wudang, on Main St. just in front of my house. I found her on the road that morning as I was pulling out to go to work. I gathered her body and then buried her Sat. morning in Provo Canyon.

Wudang was probably my favorite cat, and I've had a few. She was 2 1/2 years old, and I had her since she was an 8 week old kitten, fragile and small enough to fit entirely in the palm of one hand. Here is a picture of her very soon after I brought her home for the first time...



She was a beautiful Siamese breed with pretty blue eyes. I get bummed still when I think of what happened and how I found her, so I will leave it at this. R.I.P. Wudang. Maybe they'll feed you better than the plain ol' dry cat food on the other side. :)

Head On: Apply Directly to the Forehead
Head On: Apply Directly to the Forehead
Head On: Apply Directly to the Forehead

Ahhh!!!

If I see that commercial one more time, I am going to apply my foot directly to the television screen. :)

Have you ever been at like...a family reunion or somewhere where there's lots of old-timers, bless their hearts, that sit around and reminisce about the "good old days"? And inevitably the subject of what things "used to cost" will come up...

"Why, I remember back when gas cost a nickle a gallon...a NICKLE!"

"I paid $13,000 for my first house."

"I bought my first car, brand new, for $500...and that's a fact."

I remember thinking...man, what the heck happened to the world?? Life used to be so EASY and CHEAP. Then I learned about a little phenomenon called inflation.

So now all I can think about when I hear these types of conversations is how they are conveniently omitting one small little detail...how much their WAGES were back then. Why do we never hear this conversation?

"Why, I remember back when I worked myself ragged everyday for a measly 15 cents an hour. Boy those sure were the bad old days..."

My next gripe is aimed squarely at Subway Sandwiches. Seems like I've had a lot of fast-food related gripes lately...don't take this to be indicative of my eating habits. Okay, take it to be indicative. I have a problem, I know. But that is beside the point...back to Subway.

Subway, eat fresh, make it your way, blah blah, all good and fine. Subway sandwiches are good, no question...but I think they've become a little bit TOO flexible in their sandwich-building process. I mean, you look up at the board and they have all these named sandwiches, tons of 'em. And that's great. But what you don't realize is that, with the exception of one item, the meat, you can turn any sandwich into any OTHER sandwich.

For example. Let's say you want the Tuscan Chicken Sandwich. Sounds pretty good, right? It did to me too. The picture looked scrumptious, in fact. Then comes the onslaught of options. "What kind of bread?" "What kind of cheese?" "Toasted?" "What vegetables?" On and on.

Through all this it occurs to me...what exactly makes this sandwich a Tuscan Chicken one anyway? So far it's just just a chicken sub sandwich with whatever the hell I want on it. So I ask...

"What exactly GOES on this so-called Tuscan Chicken sandwich anyway?"

"Oh, did you want the special Tuscan sauce?"

Um, yeah. Why on earth would they just assume that you know how to make their sandwiches? I asked for the Tuscan Chicken Sandwich, just freaking make me a TUSCAN CHICKEN SANDWICH!! :)

You know what Subway needs? They need to just have defaults on all their sandwiches, but express to you at the beginning that you can substitute anything you want. Not only would this make things easier, but it would speed up the line a little bit too, 'cause let's face it...Subway ain't exactly Wendy's. Maybe I'll fire this gripe off to their HQ as an email...

I go to Fazoli's the other day for lunch. Being one of...great appetite I am naturally drawn to the dish called the Ultimate Sampler. I quickly skim their combo meal menu for the number that corresponds to what would most likely be called the Ultimate Sampler Combo, but find none. After shooing away the elderly breadstick lady for the 3rd time, I spot the Classic Sampler Combo on the board. That's pretty close, I think to myself, surely the ultimate variety of the combo is available...

"I'll take the ultimate sampler combo meal please..."

But all I get from the poor girl working behind the counter is a "deer in the headlights" look. Funny, did I stutter? Accidently order in Spanish? What's going on here?

"See the #1 combo meal. The classic sampler combo? I'd like that, only make it the ultimate sampler."

"Umm...I don't think we can do that, let me ask."

(wait 30 seconds)

"Sorry sir, you can only get the classic sampler in a combo meal. Is that what you'd like to get today?"

I'm sure this has happened to you before. Combo meals were a good idea when they were first introduced back in the day...but for the love of all that is greasy and unecessarily calorie ridden...give your employees some menu flexibility in the name of customer service. SHEESH!

Okay I've said my peace. I think I ended up just getting the Club Submarino, like I always do, instead. (excellent sandwich, BTW). :)

I swing by the Target last night to pick up some personal hygene products. My last "tube" of toothpaste (it was more like...a bottle or something) finally ran out. I didn't care for it. In fact, I don't think I've liked my last, oh, 20 toothpaste choices in-a-row.

Here's the problem. You'd think that with enough experimentation you could settle on one toothpaste that you like and just go with it. But apparently the toothpaste industry is pretty cutthroat competition-wise because they are constantly "innovating" with their products. I use quotes because I don't really consider a more obnoxious printing of the word "WHITENING" or a shiner, sparklier (more sparkly?) box to be true innovation. The innovation is so intense that by the time my previous tube runs out, it's an entirely different line up of offerings from every company.

So I stand there, looking over this incredible myriad of choices...an entire aisle, in fact, of tooth-care goops of one variety or another. The only thing they all have in common is the word "whitening". A toothpaste company would not dare omit that word printed all obnoxious-like somewhere on the box. I'm convinced they don't whiten at all...because I've been using "whitening" toothpastes for years and my teeth look the same shade of tooth-color as ever. But that's a topic for another gripe. :)

Oh man, what do I get? Baking soda kind? The one with Scope incorporated for minty-fresh breath? That's never a bad thing. Oooh...this one whitenes and makes your teeth shiny. It is kind of a drag running around with matte teeth. Tartal control? Do I even have tartar? Probably I guess. Dahh, what to do???

Ultimately, after 3 or 4 rounds up and down the aisle, I just say "screw it" and grab the shiniest box and take off. Then I endure what I know will be some gross taste with weird texture, hope for the best oral-hygene-wise...and then do it all over again a month or two later. :)

I fire up Yahoo's page this morning and in their "In the News" section I see this headline: "Lower income may mean higher stress". Lower income may mean higher stress? Are you kidding me? So let me make sure I have this straight...it took some scientists and who knows how much taxpayer money to determine that it just MIGHT be stressful to find an eviction notice on your door, or to wonder where your next meal will come from?

Unbelievable. I'm guessing the next study's findings will be something like "Scientists have found that having mountains of cash helps to pay bills on time." Pure genius. :)

Is there a bigger broken record on earth than the nightly world news? Particularly when it comes to the Middle East...

"Our top stories tonight: A car bomb explodes in Iraq killing several US marines. Evidence found showing that Iran is trying to develop a nuclear weapon. And there is fighting between the Israelis and Palestinians. All this and more on this day, (insert any day for the past few years), on World News Tonight." (dun dun DUN dun).

Thank goodness for Seinfeld reruns...

As it gets warmer I'm starting to see those dreaded orange barrels and cones all over the place. It's summer road construction time baby!

First let me say...it is what it is. Roads need maintenance, I understand that. But I have a question (gripe) about the way they go about it. I have no first-hand knowledge of how it's all organized, but best I can tell from my personal observations the first meeting of those involved goes something like this:

"It's almost summertime boys, this is our plan of attack. First we're gonna take every single last road project on the schedule for the entire summer and block them ALL off in one shot with our beloved orange barrels and cones. We should be able to do this in, oh, a couple hours. We can't have cars driving willy-nilly over our work areas just anytime they want.

Then, over the course of the next several months, just get to what you can whenever it's convenient for you. I realize our numbers are small, but hey, we have lives. Ideally we'd like to actually finish these projects before winter...but whatever.

Okay, let's get to it. After lunch I mean. Break!"

Here's my proposal for a new way to do it, and I take a page out of the book of ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. They can build an entire house in 7 days. How do they do it? Simple. Lots and lots of man hours in one location.

Would it be so infeasible for them to go around the city doing one project at a time, utilizing every hombre on the payroll, go non-stop until it is finished...and then move on to the next? To me this seems like win-win. Projects are done faster, and at any given time only one piece of the road is blocked off. Can someone please tell me what the matter with this plan is? Thanks!

As gas prices begin their annual summer increase, I couldn't help but notice something today as I took a scenic drive through Provo Canyon. But first...correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't a pretty substantial chunk of the price you pay for a gallon of gas taxed for purposes of road maintenance? I'm totally down with that system, by the way. The more you drive on the road, the more you pay towards its upkeep...makes sense.

I couldn't help but question the use of aforementioned funds, however, when I saw the sign "Falling Rock" as I entered the canyon. This sign, a fairly common one actually, has always puzzled me. It's obviously warning you that you are entering an area where rock falls are common. But what exactly are you supposed to do with that knowledge? How does one alter their driving while in a rock fall zone in a way that somehow minimizes the chances of being hit by one? Seems to me if your car gets crunched by some errant boulder, then you are the victim of extremely bad luck, not a consequence of poor driving.

So the question is, since we've established that we're going to use "obvious signage", where do we draw the line? Why not post a sign that says "Lightning Struck Here Once" or maybe "Driving In An Earthquake Is Scary"? OR, how about we eliminate obvious signage altogether and save a penny or two on escalating gas prices? My vote is for the latter...