10 O'clock News

I got a couple beefs with local news broadcasts. I suppose the simplest solution would be to just not watch...but where's the fun in that? :)

Perhaps you've heard the term "if it bleeds, it leads"? Are we really such a bloodthirsty people that, of all the newsworthy stuff going on, this is what we want to see first? I mean, you get home from a stressful day, you're looking to unwind...what better way to relax than get a quick rundown of who got raped, murdered, and/or severely maimed that day in the area?

Also, I hate hate HATE those stupid gimmicky stories they come up with to try keep you watching to the bitter end of the broadcast. And they announce that it's "coming up next" just before every commercial break. Only, it never really does come up next, but rather is like a 10 second afterthought they throw in at the last possible second. Once in awhile I will actually get suckered by it, watch to the end, realize what a fool I've been and then fester about it, internally cursing those tricky marketing bastages for the next 48 to 72 hours. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

"Tonight on Eyewitness News. A family of 5, driving home from their Disneyland vacation and while singing 'The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round' are tragically killed when a misplaced orange construction barrel, apparently completely neglected for several weeks, caused the driver to swerve and lose control of the vehicle. The vehicle then rolled once and spontaneously combusted. The fiery vehicular inferno continued to roll down the freeway another 30 times into oncoming traffic, ejecting its charred occupants one at a time, until finally coming to a smoldering rest. There were no survivors.

Coming up after the break, a rare three-eyed kitten was born this morning in the Galapagos Islands. Stay tuned for exclusive photos."

But there is no mention of the freaky Galapagian feline after the break. Or after the next break. Or even the next. What ends up happening, of course, is that you get a 2 second glimpse of some lousy cell-phone camera picture just before they say goodnight and the news ends..."My, that certainly was bizarre. Well, thanks for tuning in to Eyewitness News at 10. Goodnight."

And in writing this, I just thought of something else I hate about watching the news. :) Every last commercial in-between the gore stories is for some kind of prescription drug or ailment remedy. Clearly the target audience is old people. Okay, that's it, I gotta cut back. I can feel a few grey hairs sprouting as I write. Maybe I'll become an "Access Hollywood" man for awhile and stockpile some new gripes about it. Until then...