Monday, December 17, 2007

Pavlov's Audience

What is it about people and their absolute inability to refrain, and with arrogant disregard for etiquette, from inserting those asinine, otherwise-classic-song-destroying, the-desire-to-gouge-out-my-own-eyeballs inducing lines inbetween the phrases of the Christmas song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

You know what I'm talking about. All the Monopoly and Columbus and light bulb nonsense.

I'm at the SCERA in Orem's production of Plaid Tidings last night, an onstage musical with Christmas songs. And in a moment freakishly reminiscent of Pavlov and his dogs, once the singer on stage busted out that first stanza, all politeness, decency, and consideration went right out the door, and raw instinct took over for these people. And not just kids. Oh no. The inner "special child" in a handful of adults reared its ugly head as well, last night.

Unbelievable. I honestly was floored. I had just witnessed a faux pas double whammy that made me ashamed of my own hometown. About the only way you could possibly be more rude to the other members of the paying audience, not to mention the actors, than by making unsolicited noises mid-production, would be to make these particular noises. What the hell is the matter with people??

Now, if I just happened to have a time machine, and I just happened to go back, say, 10 min. before the originator gave birth to these lyrical abominations, and I just happened to have the crosshairs of a sniper-rifle positioned directly over his skull...I have to be honest...I think I'd waver just a little before deciding to not pull the trigger. :)

1 comment:

  1. How completly gauche!

    Imagine the unmitigated gall of some people to transform a true classic - nigh on to sacred (I'm surprised it's not in the hymn book yet) - rendering about the incredible Rudolph and his luminescent proboscis into a complete laughing stock. Wow. I can't believe they let these people celebrate Christmas in any fashion. If they don't revere the Rudolph Song, imagine what they do with other holiday tunes like Frosty the Snowman or (Please, Dear God, NO!) Jingle Bells.

    Lane, as someone who has heard you sing these things yourself, including shouting out the "-BEAM!" in Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam, I think you should lighten up. Life's too short to worry about those morons in the seat next to you are doing. Besides, if you get this upset about Rudolph, how do you handle things that really matter, like the Doobie Brothers?!?